Friday, March 20, 2015

Be Still and Know...

Be still. Take a breath. Move on. This is one of the hardest things for me. I would necessarily define myself as a "control freak" but I'm definitely not a fan of being helpless, not being able to do anything.

I've experienced a lot of that lately. At the beginning of the of the school year {way back in good 'ol August} I was told I might have to take 4 semesters of a set of courses. The courses were going to be very challenging, they weren't going to help me with my major, and I simply didn't want to take them. I tried everything in my power to work it so that I wouldn't have to take these courses. I explored every option, talked with many different people, and lost sleep over the situation. Towards the end I had a period of time where I had to wait for the answer. I hate waiting, but I felt that I knew, in my heart, that the answer would come back in my favor.

I prayed constantly during that period of waiting. I cried, I tried to keep myself busy, and I constantly called to check up on the person I was waiting for. At the end of my five days of waiting, I got the phone call. And it wasn't the answer I was hoping for.

It was so hard for me. I felt that in my hours of praying and crying out to God, He had told me that it was going to work out. In my mind I never imagined that "everything working out" didn't mean working out in the way I was hoping for. I was depressed and angry. I wondered how God could let this happen to me and how after working so hard to find a way around taking these classes, my answer was no.

It took me about 2 weeks to get over my "let down." After this time I finally came to the place where I knew, I knew, that God's plan was better than mine. And even though I did not understand why He was letting this happen, He had a bigger purpose and plan.

Now, I just want to add here that I still wasn't very happy. I knew that God had a plan and purpose for all of this happening but I still did not want to take the courses. But I was content. Sure, there were still times when I got upset and even angry but I continuously came back to reminder that God had a plan.

Fast forward to to a couple of weeks later and I got an email from an individual, high up in the college, saying that, to sum it all up, I didn't have to take the courses.

To this day I'm not quite sure why {sometimes with God we never know the why} but I do know that God did a miracle, and it was truly amazing.

While I was so happy that God had answered my prayers, I still wondered, "why did God have me go through the pain before giving me the answer?" And this is what I believe. In life, there are going to be situations that are outside of my control. I need to be okay with that.

With this particular college situation, I had done everything in my power to get out of taking the courses. And everything I tried failed. Yet God, in his infinite goodness and grace, worked all things together without me.

Life is hard and messy and strange and sometimes, out of our control. This I do know, though, even I had to take all four semesters of those classes, if that was God's plan, it would all work out.

For me, in the long run, I got the answer I was looking for. There have been times, though, when I didn't get the answer that I wanted. No matter what, God is still good, His ways are still higher than my ways, and His plans are more perfect than anything I could ever dream of.

So friends, no matter what your situation is, no matter what you're going through, no matter what God is teaching you, be still and know that He is God!